Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm Back! Updates....

I'm not sure how many people read my blog but...My apologies for falling off. Big time.

Trini and I are officially back together but we break up every other day. HOW did my life get so out of control? How am I still in this dysfunctional relationship? WHO AM I???? These are questions I ask myself every day -usually in the mornings as I am in the shower or brushing my teeth. It's almost as if I wake up and think: Am I in a dream? Is this real? Who am I again? I roll over, look over at my phone and see bbms with Trini (he is usually the last person I talk to every night) and it all comes back to me:  I'm the girl in a messy relationship that is consuming my life. Of course. So I hop in the shower and start thinking of how to make things better.


*Trini stood me up/blew me off for a date. No show, no call. This was a week after we "recommitted" to eachother and made it official. FML. Does he even respect me at all???

*I am 7 lbs away from my birthday mini-goal. I don't know if I can lose 7lbs in two weeks.

*B-Day plans are depressing me. I'm worried Trini will embarrass me in front of my friends and not show, and no one is cooperating with the plans so far. KB is going to see her boo in DC so she will not be in attendance. I guess my birthday wasn't reason enough to stay here.

*School is back in session. I hate it. Smack in the middle of the week, Wednesday and Thursday, 6-10.

*I took a MAJOR step in re-uniting with a group of old  frenemies friends that I met through KB. They are VERY judgmental and after months of slick comments about my weight, the fact that I wear makeup, and wear a FABULOUS weave etc, we had a major falling out. I kept my distance and because of school and Trini, I stayed away from the party scene-thereby avoiding them. One of the chicks extended an invite to me via KB for a soca fete in BK hosted by one of the DJ's we like. It was invite only and tix were hard to come by, so I appreciated the gesture. I went and it was not as awkward as I thought it would be. I still felt like the fat one with them though. My close friends are not skinny so I am at home with them. We have an understanding and accept each other as is. But with this particular group of skinnies, I am ALWAYS self conscious. Probably because I've actually HEARD them make comments about other people's weight, mine, and just the way other people look in general. KB was starting to get offended that I kept declining offers to hang out with her, but it was because she usually hungout with them and I was not comfortable after all that went down. Why do I always have to explain my decisions to other people? Does anyone get me at all?

*I have a new obsession with red/pink/fuschia lipstick. Today is my third day in this color by MAC, Girl About Town

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